So I have lost 15 pounds since summer and still going. I am trying to recognize when I am stressed. I don't usually know when I am stressed I somehow seem to be numb to the feeling which is not good. Well this has been a very stressful week. We had to put our dog down then PJ was treated badly by his basketball coach in the middle of a game. Then He was kicked off because of grades. Then just when I thought the week was over Pete gets and email from his company and they are cutting everyones salary by 10% instead of lay people off. Yes I know at least he still has his job. I went into my office and started emotionally eating. Then I said loudly to my boss "I am emotionally eating" Clue number 1 of stress. I stopped eating. Then suddenly my stomach was in knots like I might throw up and then I suddenly felt scared and vulnerable and I had to lay on the couch and catch my breath.
Why am I telling you all this I don't know. But even though it was hard I FELT stress and panic instead of it being masked somewhere else. That was a good thing.
In the mean time we are going to be starting a class in Feb. Financial Peace University.

One more thing. Ariel is on a medication for ADHD and she has lost too much weight. But she is getting A's Is that insane or what? I feel so helpless.

We had an awesome christmas. Money is tight and really not there. I think for many of you out there as well. But on Christmas eve we had a surprise present on out door step. All the lights in the house were off except the tree lights because we were on our way out to grandmas house and then we all stood around this package as Pete opened it and it was a gift card from costco for 4 new tires for Pete's car. His car has been parked in the drive way for months because we couldn't afford tires. This was a huge blessing. WOW!!!

It has been a great season.

I have struggled all my life when it comes to love. I really didn't understand it. I have never been able to really receive love or give it. Only because of damage done in my life growing up it always came with condition. I even have struggled with Pete giving and receiving. Always pushing him away never being able to really surrender my heart and become that vulnerable. The Same goes for God until now....

I recently did a Beth Moore Bible study Breaking free.

Even though the things I thought I wanted to break free from were only symptoms to what I really needed to Break Free from. One of the messages was on Love...The number one priority in our life is to love God with all our heart, soul mind and strength. I began to pray daily that God would help me get there "Help Lord to Love you with all my being"

One day in the mail a book arrived for me.
I didn't order nor did I ever hear of it.
I don't have time to read. Anyway feeling compelled to read I began that Journey. Oh how God showed me how much he desires for us to be healed. It was sooo powerful to me.

Next.....Months ago I bought a book I heard everyone raving about and decided to buy it.
It sat on the shelf for awhile and I knew I needed to read it immediately after the shack. So I did.

After a third way through the book the Dam broke all of a sudden all this horrible muck surfaced in me and and I balled and prayed "God Just take you hand and finally get rid of all this stuff I have been carrying around for a lifetime." He did....Then I started to..... Feel........ what Love really feels like...From God and I felt like giving love like I never have before....
Mathew
34 But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees with his reply, they met together to question him again. 35 One of them, an expert in religious law, tried to trap him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”

37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’